Life Is Good

Four years ago when Tom left I did not think I would make it. I learned a lot. For one, that it is called heartbreak for a reason. Your actual heart really feels like it is breaking - there is a shocking amount of actual physical pain. And that I am weaker and stronger than I thought. Whether I am wiser or not is yet to be determined. If he asked to come back, I cannot guarantee I would say no. When I know that is the case, I will know I have truly and finally moved on. 

I know I was graceless and I know I drove people crazy and I know all of the things I had to say about it sounded childish and melodramatic and from this perspective I can now see that. At the time I could not. Christmases are easier and harder at the same time each year. I do not envy Tom's missing out on his grandkids and I certainly wish he was with us. But maybe that is the old Tom I am thinking of, not the new one who can leave and not look back. Or maybe that was him all along and he just fooled all of us but I don't think so. Anyway, I know I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad (can you name that quote?) but I finally realize I did not do this and it was never my choice. And ultimately had little to do with me (don't get me started - that little fact just breaks my heart even more.)

So, reflections of the way life used to be. 

Here is life now. Jean and Grecia and family are doing well and Danny too. And I am starting to make my own way - something I did not know if I was even willing to do for myself. But since I did not just die or disappear I might as well do something! 


I was up in Sacramento just before Christmas to see the Tommy Zimmermann family. We went to their local overboard-on-Christmas-lights street and wow! What a display. The best I have seen so far, although the Christmas in Margaritaville theme complete with blender that turned on and off was a little different - but very California. People come from all around to see it and there were several stretch limos there just proving that point. 

I was also entertained with the usual kid shows and was left appreciating my solitude all the more. They are fun kids and fun adults and I love my family but I worked like a dog and was simply overwhelmed by their energy. Oh, and the reason I worked like a dog is because Elizabeth scheduled every appointment she had been putting off for the days I was there because they only take 1/10th of the time if done without kids. It was ultimately my Christmas gift to them, and exactly what they wanted. LOL. The truth is, I enjoyed it. 

On Christmas Day I went to Jean and Grecia's as did Tommy and fam. Jean has a very small kitchen but she managed to pull together a full dinner of ham and turkey and a very good peas and pearl onion dish along with everything else. Well done. It was a lot of fun. Danny sent the Zimm's a game and Tommy mastered it pretty quickly so he went from person to person challenging them. If Danny were here he might have had a real competitor. But he sure showed the 8 year old who ruled. And his mother for that matter. 

Some highlights from the last week or so:

• Spending time with Jason and Lyla - and Jason reveling in the fact that he had a much more realistic baaaa than his cousin, Rainn, in Escondido. And I must say, it is a pretty convincing baaaaa. 
• Meeting the chickens.
• Making some really bad French toast and some really good gingerbread houses.
• A truly easy 10 hour car trip back from Sacramento with three adults and two kids in the pouring rain - we really lucked out.
• I am SO close to being firmly on my feet finally. What a blessing my dad has been these last few years - as well as Joan, and my siblings and best friend/step-sister and my cousin (see, cousins aren't all bad)- really lucked out there, too.
• The quick trip to wine country to pick up a bottle so I would not go to Jean's one arm as long as the other - had fun with a great group there; but wine tasting certainly makes that easy to do. 
• Getting to Jean's in time for the skype call to Moscow and seeing how much Lyena has grown. 
• Spending time with the Bocharovs. Keith and Pasha are getting so big! 
• Getting to watch a three way Michael Jackson impersonation, fedoras and all.
• Having my little casita to go home to.

"We feed corn to our chickens" Read in superior French accent - a reply to Beth when she asked her French guest if he wanted some corn. 

  

 One chicken favors large eggs and another favors jumbos.

 The game

 New ties, new fedoras, classic MJ dance moves

 Здравствуйте Бочарова семьи

L-R Masha, Valya and Lyena

So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Life is good here. Hope you feel the same wherever you are.