Out Of The Closet

Not THAT closet!

I realized recently - an annoying part of massive introspection - that I feel guilty for EVERYTHING I do. And that I am doing it wrong. They go hand in hand. And it occurred to me that although I suspected it, in observing the world, many people do not walk around with this kind of excessive guilt. They live their lives following their own scripts and are happy about it. Who knew?

When I was in Rockport in January, Joan said something to me that made me realize that not only was I loved, but liked. I have felt like the family failure for so long I could barely take it in. I feel like I have been hiding who I am and what I want because I was ashamed of not following the family formula for success - which has worked well for those who did. Ashamed of struggling. Ashamed of having no money and not being able to get a job. Ashamed for reaching higher when I have no business reaching higher because I am so low and not even supporting myself yet.

Well, with all of that I decided I needed to come clean. I am following my own path. As long as I remember I have wanted to invest in real estate. Tom and I looked into it, but were really confused about what to do. When everyone was rich, we did jump in, but the wrong way and with disastrous results. So the sensible thing would be to walk away. And then what? I need something for myself. I need something that can actually support me and I am determined to do this right this time.

For a few years I have been actively pursuing this goal. Mainly in networking and learning. The most valuable resource I have found has been InvestClub for Women out of Orange County. I have plugged in there and joined their Mastermind group and it is a fantastic place for support, education, contacts and direction. And there is FINALLY a local group of investors who do fix and flipping here in Temecula whose meetings are FREE, so even better.

My focus is on wholesaling. I have gotten my feet wet and last year I co-wholesaled (I don't suppose wholesold would be right?) a house and got a small payment for that. Yay. Since then, partly due to my own fears, I have come close but not quite there. I will get this right.

In this last year I have worked my ass off on trying to get my mental game right. I have some real issues with charging for my services - accepting money I have earned. I am great with volunteer stuff, but awful asking to get paid. It is an issue. And I need to conquer it. Getting there.

Pictures of chickens and vegetables are lovely. And believe me I could do one a day. But it isn't my life. Striving to get independent is. And I am here to attest to the fact that trying to do this on no money, although possible, is a pain in the ass. Still willing to work. Still looking. Pull back when I can't afford the rejection anymore and then plug away again. Doesn't help that I live in the boonies as far as that goes. But some paraplegic blind guy who has to borrow a cell phone will make his way doing this I imagine, so I am sure I can too.

So up to date. I will be looking at some houses this week and tie them to a visit to the Bocharov manse (since I cannot - still - do this and not feel guilty about it. Geeesh I am too old for this nonsense!)

In the meantime, I look forward to a visit from the Thomas Zimmermanns of Sacramento and my sister, Beth although I do not look forward to the reason. Jean will be having surgery for her colon cancer this next Tuesday. I am very optimistic for her, but it will be a hard surgery and it will be a hard recovery. It does sound like they caught it early. Very hard to just be a bystander and not be able to anything to fix it.

Here's to my success. If I can get on my feet everyone wins - especially those holding me up now!!!! 

 

So I could add a picture, I took Keith to his improv performance recently when both parents were otherwise committed. He was really very good. And has a great stage voice. Bravo Keith!